Not Just the Priests

The sexual abuse scandal that’s rocked the Catholic Church was in the news again this week. The church is trying to protect itself from liability.

Last month a judge ordered the Boy Scouts of America to pay $18.5 million in punitive damages to a man who was sexually abused by his scout leader. That was on top of the $1.4 million for pain and suffering. Now the Boy Scouts are fighting to keep secret thousands of “perversion files” on suspected child molesters among their ranks.

And while many people are criticizing the church and the Boy Scouts for their handling of child molesters among their ranks, the problem of child sexual abuse is not unique to priests, scout leaders, or people who routinely work with children.

In fact, a recent CNN.com article quoted the head of the National Center for the Study and Prevention and Treatment of Sexual Trauma saying he is not aware of any evidence that child sexual abuse occurs more frequently among priests than among the general population.

Child sexual abuse is a tragic social ill cuts across all social and economic barriers. And the numbers are shocking. According to statistics compiled by Darkness and Light, a sexual abuse prevention program in South Carolina:

·      1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused before age 18,

·      1 in 5 children are sexually solicited over the Internet,

·      There are about 39 million sexual abuse survivors in the U.S.

Among children who have been sexually abused:

·      Between 30 percent and 40 percent were abused by family members,

·      Another 50 percent were abused by someone outside the family whom they know and trust,

·      About 40 percent are abused by older or larger children whom they know.

During the mid-1990s, I co-facilitated therapy groups for adult and adolescent child molesters. Men and women in these groups included high powered lawyers, college professors, wealthy Silicon Valley types, low-wage blue collar workers, and middle class office workers – in essence a sampling of everyone – and no priests.

I no longer work with sex offenders, but I continue to work with people who were sexually abused as children. Again, these people cut across all social, economic and ethnic lines.

Sexual abuse is extremely traumatic, and its affects can last for decades. I’ve worked with young adults and senior citizens to help untangle the sometimes devastating affects that childhood sexual abuse has had on their lives. These people are inspiring examples of courage and tenacity in the work they’ve done to heal their lives.

Many sexual abuse survivors experience problems that include:

·      disturbing memory flashes,

·      depression,

·      anxiety,

·      dissociation – sometimes to the point of multiple personalities,

·      nightmares and insomnia,

·      problems with alcohol and drugs,

·      feelings of worthlessness, shame, guilt or that they are somehow bad or damaged,

·      trouble with sexual boundaries,

·      trouble functioning in relationships,

·      difficulty trusting other people,

·      eating disorders,

·      issues with body image,

·      general inability to feel good about themselves.

While these symptoms may be severe, there is ample opportunity for hope. The affects of sexual abuse can be treated. I’ve seen people come from severe trauma and grief, who have found ways to reach into their hearts, discover how strong and good they are, and go on to lead good lives free from the pain of their sexual trauma.

With therapy, sexual abuse survivors can learn to feel good about themselves and their lives and regain feelings of confidence and control.

In 1896 Sigmund Freud presented his findings that sexual abuse was a major contributor to psychological disturbance. In fact, he found that all of the women in his study had been sexually abused and that their pain and suffering were directly related to the abuse. Unfortunately, Freud’s findings were roundly criticized and dismissed by the psychological establishment of the day, and Freud retracted his findings. It would be decades before childhood sexual abuse and sexual abuse survivors would be taken seriously again.

Only in the last 30 years has childhood sexual abuse received the validation and attention it deserves. Now the scandal in the Catholic Church has again thrust the issue into the public eye. This is a good thing because many abuse survivors never reveal what happened to them or get help healing the trauma. It is my hope that this new attention will encourage more sexual abuse survivors to come forward, to get the help they need, to get the beautiful life they so richly deserve.