Ken's Compassion Blog

Tiger Woods, Breathless Hype, Sex Addiction

Tiger Woods was back in the news this week. No surprise there. He’s inescapable. The press is addicted to him – not so much addicted to Tiger, but addicted to sex. I came across the February issue of Vanity Fair magazine recently, and there was Tiger on the cover.

It was the typical coverage – breathless hype and vapid moralizing (Matt Lauer on the Today show is particularly good at that). I skimmed through the article with details on the car crash, Tiger’s attempts to control events, speculation about his wife’s pain and, of course, whether she will stay, blah, blah, blah.

Nowhere in that article, or in most of the endless hype, is there much discussion of the salient issue that crashed Tiger’s life – sex addiction.

Now I’ve never met Tiger nor have I done any clinical evaluation of him. But the signs are there from the reports – multiple partners, sense of sexual entitlement, obsession, compulsion, a secret life, obliviousness to the consequences, and an eventual crash that disrupts his life and the lives of those around him.

 Sex addiction is a real and serious issue:

·      The National Counsel on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity estimates that sex addiction afflicts 18 million to 24 million Americans. That’s 6 percent to 8 percent of the population.

·      Researchers at Stanford University estimate that at least 200,000 Americans are addicted to some form on Internet pornography.

·      And sex is the single most searched topic on the Internet.

Sexual addiction has little to do with sex per se, and more to do with how an addict uses sex. Like most compulsive behaviors and addictions, sexual addiction is about avoiding pain and grief. We tend to act out whatever pain and grief we are avoiding – thus the term “acting out.” Paradoxically however, it is those addictive and compulsive behaviors that end up exacerbating the sense of shame, guilt and grief. It’s an endless cycle.

Symptoms of sexual addiction include:

·      Compulsive masturbation,

·      Multiple affairs,

·      Compulsive use of pornography – often to the point of creating a financial crisis

·      Unsafe sex

·      Multiple anonymous partners

·      Compulsive or obsessive phone sex or cybersex

·      Prostitutes

·      Prostitution,

·      Sexual anorexia

 And the consequences can be severe, including

 ·      Broken relationships and marriages,

·      Legal consequences,

·      Public humiliation,

·      Health risks, including AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases,

·      Depression,

·      Anxiety,

·      Damaged self esteem,

·      Moral conflict,

·      Fear of abandonment

·      Remorse,

·      Self-deceit,

·      Severe emotional harm to the people who love and care about the addict.

When the Clinton/Lewinsky scandal hit the airwaves back in the 90s, we had the same phenomena that we’re seeing now – breathless hype, vapid moralizing, and a missed opportunity to have a dialog on a major social ill.

Indeed sex addiction is controversial. Many people think it’s just about a lack of morality or compromised sense of ethics. But part of the suffering associated with sex addiction is the inevitable feeling that one is acting outside his/her ethical standards and is powerless to put a stop to it.

I’ve been working with sexual acting out behaviors since 1997, when I began a two-year stint at the Giarretto Institute, a pioneering sexual abuse treatment center in San Jose (unfortunately Giarretto was acquired by EMQ Inc., which subsequently shut down most of the treatment operations).

What I observed at Giarretto and subsequently in my clinical practice is that people who act out sexually have serious and deep emotional wounds. The deeper the grief, the more abhorrent the acting out behavior.

As in any therapy, sex addicts need a safe environment where they can discover and heal the pain that led them to the behaviors that have damaged their lives and the lives of those around them, while at the same time learning new coping and management skills for those times when the feelings are overwhelming.

Despite their suffering I’ve seen addicts reach into their deepest pain, learn how to heal themselves, reconstruct their lives and move on with new skills and a renewed sense of self.

Indeed, if the abundance of moralizing and hysteria had any healing value at all, we’d all be Saints or Buddhas by now. But as Tiger could likely tell you, it’s of no use whatsoever, though it might help broadcast ratings and magazine circulation.

Nonetheless, Tiger Woods has presented us with an opportunity for a national dialog about a serious affliction. I’m not optimistic that the media can or will ever rise to that opportunity. After all the first step toward recovery is to admit that you’re an addict. The people who bring you wall-to-wall, moment –to-moment, never-ending coverage of every sex scandal are unlikely to admit that they’re as hooked as the people they’re covering.

I wish Tiger and the people he’s hurt well with their recovery.

Stay tuned to your television set for the next lurid sex scandal.

Breathe Easy

More on Mindfulness: During my recent meditation retreat, one of the teachers read a teaching in which the Buddha reminded us to "breathe easy."

It's easy to forget about our breathing. In fact most of us never think about it at all, unless we're having some trouble with it. But if you pay attention to your breath, you may be surprised by how much it changes as your state of mind changes. You might also notice that you can change your state of mind by changing the way you breathe.

When we're excited, or stressed, we breathe faster and our breath becomes more shallow. When we are completely relaxed, we are actually breathing more slowly and more deeply.

Focusing on our breathing brings us into our bodies and into the present moment. After all, your body is always in the present moment. It's the mind that wanders hither and yon - chattering away, playing music, replaying past conversations, creating assumed futures.

Often when we're stressed, there's increased chatter in the mind. People report feeling like their mind is "racing." It's like they're being flooded with thoughts. 

This brings us back to Buddha's teaching - breathe easy.

When we slow our breathing, our mind slows with it. We begin to relax. It's a great way to relieve stress.

Here are a few ways to do that:

·       Take long slow deep breaths, including long exhalations (about ten or so). This will slow your heart rate and help relax your back and shoulder muscles.

·       Take a few minutes to breathe so that your inhalations and exhalations are of equal length (count to five in your head for each in breath and each out breath). This also gradually slows the heart rate.

·       Relax your diaphragm. That’s the muscle below your lungs that helps you breathe in. To do this place your hand in the center of your belly, just above your navel. Take slow deep breaths in a way that pushes your hand outward. This is a particularly good quick fix if you’re feeling anxious.

At the end of the teaching, the teacher offered us a challenge – what in your life is worth not breathing easy? Sure, there are important issues and things that matter. But breathing faster doesn’t help us cope with them. It just adds to our anxiety state, which distracts us from coping with the sources of stress in our lives.

So, breathe easy. You might want to try taking a few minutes a couple of times a day and notice how you’re breathing. Then take a moment to slow down and breathe easy. Or any time you’re feeling stressed and anxious, make a conscious effort to breathe easy. See what happens.

 

Imperfection Without Anxiety

I recently returned from a silent meditation retreat at Spirit Rock Meditation Center in northern Marin County – nine days of alternating between sitting meditation and walking meditation, with daily instruction and Dharma Talks, or lectures about Buddha’s teachings and how to apply them to your life.

This was the second time I’ve done this particular retreat, and I’m contemplating some longer retreats in the future.

I went to India on a month-long Pilgrimage to the Buddhist holy sites in 2001. It was a transformational experience. When I returned, I told my Dharma Teacher – Gil Fronsdale - that I was feeling drawn to a monastic experience. He suggested I start with some ten-day retreats. It’s very much like me to jump in at the deep end without considering whether I know how to swim. So I’m grateful that was available to remind me, as I often need reminding, to keep my feet on the ground while my head is in the clouds. So now I do retreats.

Anyway, during one of the Dharma Talks teacher Eugene Cash quoted Suzuki Roshi (founder of the San Francisco Zen Center) on the nature of enlightenment, saying “Realization is imperfection without anxiety.”

Realization is imperfection without anxiety.

Those words struck me. They echo a theme I frequently come back to with a simplicity that I greatly admire.

Truth is we’re not perfect. Our work isn’t perfect. Our relationships aren’t perfect. Our lives are just plane not perfect. Unfortunately, this is a very difficult truth for a lot of people.

We’ve recently come through the holidays once again and I was struck by the number of people who were grievously stressed because they felt like they needed the holidays to be perfect and they couldn’t achieve that.

Sure, many of us give great lip-service to the idea that we’re not perfect, while at the same time suffering the symptoms of some form of perfectionism, i.e. imperfection with anxiety.

I confronted this a lot during the days and nights of the retreat. The form of meditation I practice is simple (that’s one of the things I like about it). But it can also be very difficult, depending on the degree to which I accept the imperfection of my meditation practice.

In this practice, you focus on your breathing – very simple – except that the mind isn’t really interested in doing that. The mind prefers to wander all over the place, rehashing conversations I had days, weeks, months, years ago, contemplating the future, playing music, wondering about my cat, my financial situation, my therapy practice, etc. – basically anything and everything.

So, in meditation, when you notice the mind has wandered away, you simply bring your focus back to your breathing. Sometimes this happens quickly. Sometimes I notice I’ve been lost in some sort of imagined scenario for quite some time, and then come back to my breathing. The instruction is to do this firmly, but gently and without rebuke.

Some meditations can be relatively relaxed and quiet. Some are like having a brightly lit romper room and Souza marches playing in my head. And on retreat there are the standard aches and pains that go long with long periods of sitting meditation (mostly my back starts t hurt).

Often when I notice this happening, I just refocus and it’s no big deal. But often I also experience the feeling that I’m somehow doing it wrong. My thinking mind  reinforces this with thoughts like ‘I’m not a good meditater, I’m messing this up, I can’t get it right, I’m wasting my time and money on this retreat,’ and so on. Then it starts reviewing all the other things I feel like I don’t get right in my life.

A few minutes of this and I start feeling frustrated and depressed – imperfection with anxiety.

Then something shifted about half way through the retreat. I started contemplating Suzuki Roshi’s message – imperfection without anxiety. The more I contemplated this, the easier my meditations got.

Sure I was still having the standard aches and pains. Sometimes it was all I could do to just sit still. Sometimes I couldn’t even do that. My mind continued to wander around, as is its function.

But I didn’t really care so much. I just kept repeating like a mantra “imperfection without anxiety.”

I also realized I can look around at my whole life and do the same thing – imperfection without anxiety. I can apply this anywhere that my mind says I should be dissatisfied – my therapy practice is slow, or I’m too busy, my home needs repair, my kitchen is messy, this or that thing is or isn’t happening the way I want it to.

It’s all the same.

Insurance Update

I wanted to let you know that I am now accepting insurance payment from with the MHN and Aetna. And I have also joined the Sutter Physicians Alliance. These are in addition to Magellan Health Services, Western Health Advantage and the California Victims of Crime (VOC) program, also known as Victim Witness Assistance program, which I joined last year.

I particularly want to note the Victim Witness Assistance Program. If you have been a victim of a crime anywhere in California, or are related to a crime victim, and there is a police report, you may qualify for Victim Witness funding for counseling and other services. Victim Witness will pay for my services or those of other registered providers.

For more information, or to seek assistance from the VOC Program, call at 1-800-777-9229, or go to their web site.

If you have any questions about my services, I invite you to visit my web site. Thanks to those of you who have made referrals, they are always appreciated.

Breathe In Breathe Out

I’ve been working with a lot of people lately who are experiencing more than the usual amount of stress and anxiety. And they’re looking for ways to stay centered during difficult times. It’s inevitable that we are going to encounter sources of stress in our lives. I’m a big proponent of mindfulness and meditation practices to help reduce stress and anxiety, and cultivate kindness and compassion – qualities we could all use more of.

Mindfulness is the practice of focusing on your experience in the present moment, without judgment – just being with what is. It’s about accepting ourselves, our feelings, our experience, and knowing that we’re okay. It’s easy to believe that just because we’re experiencing difficult feelings – anger, sadness, frustration - that something is wrong and we have to make a change.  But what if it’s alright to feel whatever we feel – pleasant or unpleasant – and we’re still okay, even if it’s uncomfortable?

More often than not, when we look around at the present moment – where we are right now – all is well. But the mind tends to wander. And it often settles on something that made us unhappy yesterday or something bad that we think may happen tomorrow – replaying past conversations to a different conclusion, or imagining what we would say when/if... Or it tells us mundane and useless things that we already know – I’m working in the yard on a hot day. It’s uncomfortable. My mind has me thinking about how hot and I’m uncomfortable I am, as if I hadn’t noticed, or as if grumbling about it in my head is going to make it easier.

But if we hold still and stay here, we will see there is nothing to fear in this moment and this is the only moment. The futures we imagine never arrive, and when they do, they’re nothing like we imagine them. And replaying the past with the fantasy of a different outcome is just a way of beating ourselves up.

In the present moment, all is well. Mindfulness helps us tap into our wellness. Sure, we have difficult circumstances and uncomfortable feelings. Grief is part of life. Mindfulness helps us to be with those circumstances and feelings. while staying balanced and centered at the same time.

Mindfulness is a simple concept, but takes a lot of practice. It’s especially hard to do in just our every day experience, or when we’re distracted. So we need to train the mind. It’s not unlike training a puppy to heel. You’re walking your new puppy. It tries to wander away. You gently, but firmly, pull it back to your side.

One simple practice is just to take a few moments during the day to focus on your breathing. If you’re feeling stressed or tense, or if you’re about to go into a situation that has you nervous, just take a few minutes, place your hand over your diaphragm, and take ten long slow deep breaths. Chances are you’ll notice the noise in your head gets quieter, or at least more manageable, and you’ll feel a little more centered. You can pause and do this as often as you like during the day, or just when you’re feeling stressed.

Meditation is also a great mindfulness practice. Meditation helps us relax and reduce stress. It makes it easier to stay in the present moment. And in doing so, it becomes easier and more natural, to bring balance, calm and a sense of centeredness to our daily activities. Meditation helps us to be with the difficulties that arise without being swept away or overwhelmed by them, and generally to be more focused.

I know, some people find the idea of meditation esoteric or intimidating. But it’s really not. It’s actually very simple. There are hundreds of ways to meditate. But here’s we’re talking about mindfulness meditation.

As I said, it is the tendency of the mind to wander. To stay in the present moment, the mind needs something to focus on – something constant. In mindfulness practice, we start by focusing on the breath. There’s nothing more constant than breathing in and breathing out.

So, to start find a comfortable place to sit with your back straight and both feet on the floor. Let your back fall into its natural curve – not so straight that it’s like you’re standing at attention. Let your hands rest in your lap or on your knees or thighs. Gently close your eyes and bring your attention to your breathing. There’s a couple of ways you can do this: You can focus on the sensation of your breath moving between your nose and your upper lip. Or you can focus on your chest or belly moving up and down as you breathe.

Your mind will wander away almost immediately, kind of like that playful puppy I mentioned earlier. When you notice that you’ve wandered off, gently, but firmly bring your attention back to your breathing. I emphasize gentleness here. Don’t get frustrated or start getting hard on yourself. An important part of this practice is learning to be kind and gentle with yourself. You may be lost in thought for a long time before you even notice it. That’s ok. When you notice your puppy mind has wandered off, just bring it back.

You can’t do this wrong. The doing it is the doing it.

Try this for ten to fifteen minutes every day. The effects are cumulative. You’ll start to feel more relaxed and centered day to day. The things that bother you won’t bother you as much. The sources of stress and anxiety may not go away. But they’ll be more manageable.

In any event, you’re here in the present moment. You’re reading this article. You’re breathing in and out. There’s nothing to fear in this moment, and this is the only moment.

 

Cutting to the Truth

A local weekly newspaper recently ran an article on teenage cutting. I was surprised and pleased, since this is a near-epidemic problem among teens and it's something nobody talks about. The article interviewed a couple of ministers and a local Rabbi, who offered good perspectives. But I felt compelled to write a letter to the editor in response. I thought I'd share it with you:

To the Editor:

I want to commend the Sacramento News & Review for its coverage of cutting and self-harm among teenagers.

As a psychotherapist working with teens for the last 11 years, I believe this problem is near epidemic. When I worked as a child and adolescent crisis intervention counselor, a large number of teens I saw had engaged in cutting or other forms of self harm. Many school administrators and counselors reported to me that the problem was rampant.

I appreciate Rabbi Alfi’s perspective and her willingness to speak out on the issue. Yet I believe the phenomenon of cutting and self-mutilation goes far deeper than “a very private way of rebelling.”

Quite often, teens who engage in cutting are in severe emotional pain. All too often, that pain is rooted in physical, sexual or emotional abuse, or some other trauma.

Over the years, I have heard many teens say they cut themselves because the physical pain was easier to take than the emotional pain. Some teens cut so they can feel something, anything, after physical, sexual, or emotional abuse has left them numb. And, as Rabbi Alfi said, some teens cut or self-mutilate because it gives them a sense of control in a world that seems frighteningly out of control.

As noted in the article, cutting and self-harm can also become compulsive behaviors. Many teens have told me how difficult it is to stop. And many have reported that once they have stopped, they are afraid to start again, despite the on-going urge, because they fear they may not be able to stop again. It’s also worth noting that while cutting is most common among adolescent girls, teen boys also cut or self-mutilate for the same reasons.

I agree, as the article stated, that spiritual interventions can be an important part of healing. But in most cases, teens who cut or self-mutilate need psychological counseling, and often family intervention, so they can find healthier ways to manage, express and heal their emotional pain, and to gain a real sense of control and mastery over their lives.

The phenomenon of teen cutting is not new. But it is only in the last few years that it has been getting the attention that it deserves.

Finally, cutting and self-mutilation are not only teen behaviors. Over the years I have worked with many adult survivors of severe childhood trauma – particularly sexual abuse. It is an unfortunate truth that cutting and self-mutilation are not unusual behaviors among this population. Many adult survivors of child abuse practice self-harm for many of the same reasons that teens do.

They key, for both teens and adults, is to heal the pain and trauma that birthed these behaviors. I believe very strongly that with the right intervention, counseling and guidance, these wounds can be healed.

Ken Siegmann
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Citrus Heights, CA
ken@insight-counseling.org
www.insight-counseling.org
(916) 367-2105

A Psychotherapist's Pledge

My friend Gail Carson-Webb recently posted a Psychotherapist's Pledge on an electronic forum that we both subscribe to. It was written by her husband, Robert Webb, Ph.D.

There are various Codes of Ethics and laws that govern the practice of therapy. But until now, I have never seen an actual Pledge or Oath suggested for therapists. I was moved by Dr. Webb's pledge, because I thought it summed up the sacred trust that is placed in our hands as psychotherapists. So, I thought I would offer this Pledge to those who read this newsletter, with thanks to Robert and Gail Webb.

The Psychotherapist's Pledge

As a psychotherapist, I am privileged to know many people in depth and to help them in their efforts to resolve their emotional problems and live more fully. Often frightened, confused, and in great pain, those seeking my help must trust me to care about them and be able to provide the help which I offer.

To be worthy of their trust - -

I must be aware that psychotherapy is a relationship based on the love of one human being for another.

I must try to empathize fully with my clients so that I may better understand their problems and know their pain.

I will accept my clients totally without judging, finding fault, or condemning them for their mistakes and I will attempt to communicate with them in the clearest possible terms.

I must always be aware that I may participate in my client's struggles only as a teacher, guide, and friend, knowing that ultimately they must heal themselves.

I will encourage all of my clients to be hopeful and treat all of them with kindness and respect.

To inspire my client's trust, I will never flatter or encourage them falsely and I will always speak the truth. Though at times I must be firm, I will never be unkind.

Realizing that a psychotherapist is in a very influential position, I will guard against any desire to control others.

I will make every effort to be aware of my own values as well as my shortcomings and try not to impose them on others.

Realizing that my clients are vulnerable to me emotionally, I will avoid romantic or sexual involvement with them.

I will respect my client's right to privacy and never treat their confidences as my property.

Though I may be paid for my services, my love is freely given and I will never allow payment to become more important than my desire to help others.

I will always be aware of my client's investment in their psychotherapy of time, money, and pain. Within the constraints of doing it well, I will complete their therapy as soon as possible.

Knowing that I may become an exemplar to many of my clients, I will always strive to be authentic and to achieve my highest level of personal growth.

With an appreciation for the uniqueness of every human being, I will strive to help all my clients realize their own potential.

Recognizing my need to understand the endless and beautiful complexity of human beings, I will dedicate myself to a lifelong study of humankind.

Though I cannot be perfect as a psychotherapist I will always be conscientious in my efforts, knowing that I am privileged to have helping others as a profession.

Robert Alan Webb, Ph.D.
June, 1986

Be Kind to Yourself

I’ve been thinking lately about my friend Bob, who died during the summer of 1992.  Bob was a friend who had a marvelous capacity for figuring out how to take care of himself. During a particularly rough period that year, Bob approached me with an important message: "I came to tell you to be kind to yourself," he said. I remember thinking "but I don't know how to do that." So decided that learning to be kind to myself would be a good theme for the year.

Then, a couple of days ago, I was talking to one of my favorite people and I felt moved to repeat Bob's message. She said, "How do you do that?" I said it starts with accepting yourself. I was still thinking about that question the next day, and Bob's message. I don't claim to really know anything. I've learned some things this year about being kind to myself. Here they are:

Go to meetings as often as you need to. Stay home as often as you need to. Socialize. Spend time alone. Be nice to your body. Laugh whenever you can. Cry when you need to. Take time to breathe. Take time to sit. Pray. Meditate. Love God. Love yourself, and if you can't, act as if you can. Set and maintain your boundaries. Be nice to people, it comes back to you. Accept compliments, and just say, "thank you." Rest when you need to. Accept your feelings. Accept your fears. Enjoy your triumphs. Enjoy people. Listen to music. Hold still sometimes. Pet your cat (or dog). Smile at someone you don't know. Don't sweat the small stuff. It's all  small stuff. Remember you are worthy. Keep it simple. Dance whenever possible. Read your favorite book as often as you like. Keep your sense of humor, and use it. Say something nice to someone. Go for walks. Offer yourself the same compassion you offer everyone else.

Blues for Oscar

Blues for Oscar
    for Oscar Peterson, 1925-2007

I can hear his music
in my head - the way he
coaxed sweetness from

the keys, or pounded
like thunder Younger
Than Springtime.

The night my father
died, I sat alone and
played Smile (though

your heart is breaking)
over and over while
I wrote dad’s eulogy.

I no longer have those
words. But the memory
of Oscar is immortal.

Twelve (stress free) Ways of Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanzaa...

The holidays are fast approaching. You probably don't need me to tell you that. Personally, I enjoy the holidays. I also know many people find them stressful. So, I've put together a list of suggestions to help people enjoy the holidays without the stress and anxiety. I hope you find these suggestions helpful. Feel free to pass them on to anyone who might need them, along with my best wishes for a joyous and relaxing holiday season.

Decide Your Limits – Don’t Over Schedule
The holiday season is a time of parties and other gatherings. You don’t have to do it all. Figure out what you truly desire vs what you feel obligated to do. Do only what you truly desire to do. Your only obligation is to enjoy yourself.

Avoid Travel
But if you have to travel, pay a little extra for direct flights. You’ll avoid the stress of having to rush from one plane to the next, or having to wait around for long periods of time. If you have to have a lay over, avoid laying over in Chicago. It’s one of the busiest airports in the world, and the winter weather often creates long delays.

Limit Car Time.
I’ve heard a lot of people say that they spend too much time in the car on Thanksgiving and Christmas – driving from one gathering to the next in an effort to see everyone. This can be exhausting. Pick one or two places you truly desire to be. It’s part of setting healthy limits and keeping a reasonable schedule.

Make a Budget and Stick by It
The holidays are a time of gift giving. This can be a lot of fun. It can also be financially stressful. Make a budget and stick with it. Ask people to make a prioritized wish list. Pare down your list. You’re not obligated to get something for everyone.

Limit Your Shopping Destinations.
Make your shopping list conform to an easy schedule. One person I know spent his entire gift budget at a book store. He bought books, cards, calendars, decorative items, journals, CDs, DVDs, lots of stuff.

Shop On Line:
Point, click and all your gifts are delivered to your home wrapped. And it’s a great way to send gifts to loved ones far away. You get to avoid the crowds and long lines at the post office, and you don’t even have to leave your desk.

Keep it Simple
Even a small gift lets people know you cherish them. Bigger is not necessarily better.

Get creative:
Make gifts, instead of buying. One year, I made loaves of sweet breads and batches of cookies, and delivered them to friends for the holidays. It was fun, easy and inexpensive.

Take Care of Yourself.
Stick with healthy eating choices. Moderation is the key, especially with sweets and alcohol. You don’t have to eat or drink anything you don’t want, even if aunt Martha made her special fruit cake (or maybe aunt Martha is a special fruit cake). Drink plenty of water to remain hydrated. And you’ll get a full feeling too.

Take Time for Yourself.
Consider it a holiday gift you give to yourself. Take a break from the rushing around, the shopping, the cooking, the cleaning. Take time out to re-read your favorite book, rent your favorite movie, take a nap.

Enjoy Family
Some people find extended family time to be stressful. Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. Take a break from the gathering. Go for a walk. Call someone you really enjoy talking to. Take some alone time if you need it.

Don’t Forget Routine Maintenance
Get plenty of sleep. Eat regularly. Exercise. Get a massage. Meditate. Don’t forget to breathe.

Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Happy Kwanzaa!